Accidents

Hey Mom and Dad,

School’s going great and stuff. I’ve been trying to get involved in stuff outside of class. I don’t know anybody here. It’s kinda lonely and I get homesick a lot. I get along great with the guys on my floor. They’re gonna go out tonight, and I think they want a bunch of guys from the floor to tag along. I promise I’ll be careful! Don’t worry!

They’re calling me now, I gotta go!

Adam

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Hey Mom and Dad,

School’s going really well. I’ve made a few friends, mainly guys here on the fourth floor. We’ve been out to a couple of parties and things, played some frisbee. I think I’m gonna join the intermural kickball team they are putting together. I used to be so good at kickball. It’s also Rush week for all the fraternities. Marty and some of the others on the floor are thinking about rushing. I don’t know! Could be a good time and meet more people. I won’t do anything dumb.

Adam

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Hey Mom and Dad,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Guess which one of your sons is rushing Alpha Kappa Pi! That’s right, your only son! The guys at AKπ are all super cool. Rush is no big thing. They are really laid back and welcoming. I thought I’d have to do some crazy stunts to prove myself, but it’s like they are going out of their way to be nice to me. I was thinking about going Tau Kappa Epsilon like dad, but Marty and the rest of the 4th Floor crew are going AKπ. They are all nice, caring guys, so you got nothing to worry about.

Maybe I’ll get a cool frat nickname like dad! Something better than Bucket Mouth. Ha ha ha!

Adam

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Mom and Dad,

I was just initiated into AKπ! I’m going to be a lifelong member! I can’t talk, because we are having a big ceremony tonight to commemorate it! This is so exciting. There are AKπ’s all over the country at the heads of almost every major corporation. They really look out for other members, helping them find a place in the workforce after graduating, grants, scholarships. You name it! As long as I keep up on school, I got nothing to worry about.

Adam

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Mother, Father,

I know I have not written in many days, but please do not take my absence from e-mail as an insult. Know that I am very involved in my education and with the fraternal organization I belong to now, Alpha Kappa Pi. My course work is exemplary and the high priests of AKπ have told me I am a member in excellent standing. Please do not attempt to communicate with me over the telephone as it is forbidden.

Please do not worry about me as the teachings of Alpha Kappa Pi have brought great peace of mind to me, Martin, and the rest of the members of the 4th floor of my dormitory. We are all looking forward to moving out of said dormitory and into the Alpha Kappa Pi pyramid of power.

My life is entirely enriched after becoming a lifelong member of this organization. They have taught me much about stweardship, community involvement, and the coming age of flames that shall mark the passing of this, the 13th iteration of Gaia.

Hark, I am wanted elsewhere.

Yours until the end of this world,

Moongate

Don’t Worry, Mom

Adam Bozarth